Drained.

I took my Filipino and Physics tests today. I think I did fine in Filipino, at least during the first four parts of the test. The fifth and last part of the test was poetry writing, four stanzas of four lines each. It had to be biographical, sociological, and symbolical all at the same time. :O In the end, I wrote about a doll of mine. I lacked the time to finish one stanza. I know that’ll be taken against me. I’m fine with that, I guess. I was really struggling for vocabulary. I’m hopeful for a G or a VG, and that VG’s really hoping.

Physics is a different story entirely. It only covered significant features, conversion of units and SOHCAHTOA. That should’ve been a good thing, but I blanked out. I knew what to do, I really did, but I didn’t know how to properly input the data on my scientific calculator. How messed up is that? I felt so stupid.

I don’t know what to do. I know my Physics concepts, but why do I screw up whenever I try to apply them? I mean, I already had a calculator. I have no skills at all. :(( I’m going to approach Sir Ron come Monday. I really need extra help. I have to jolt my brain into arranging itself before the meat of Physics comes up. Otherwise, I die. :| All my quizzes came back as U’s. I really need to talk to him. I was talking to Sir Mike about teachers holding consultations, and he said, “What’s there to consult? It’s only the second session.” Between Physics and myself, a lot. :|

Another subject I need to work on is Trig. I’m having a hard time with it, but I don’t think I’ll go to Ms. Helma just yet. My difficulty roots from the fact that I haven’t memorized the arcs and coordinates of the unit circle. I’ll do my memory crunches rigorously, and if I’m still having a hard time, that’s when I’ll go to her.

I hate being bad at math. I hate being bad with numbers in general. I hear a lot about the multiple intelligences and I agree with their theories, sure. But studying for the entrance tests, and a number of senior year subjects in general, shows the prominence and necessity of logical-mathematical intelligence over linguistic intelligence and musical intelligence. Logical-mathematical intelligence doesn’t only cover math and numbers, but it reflects one’s skill at critical thinking, argumentation, analysis and the like. My lack of which, I believe, is part of the reason why I failed at debate. (The other part was a lack of self-confidence.) I was always too subjective, so grounded on marshmallow soil. I could’ve never survived the high school politics. A salute to Elise and the rest of the team for all their achievements to date.

I’ve often thought of myself as only having half a right brain, and an occasional left brain. My IQ’s nothing special, and my EQ says that I have the leadership potential of a pile of newspapers. Yet, I look at myself with hope. Maybe, just maybe, I might have something that’ll give me a notch up on others. Maybe, just maybe, I can use it to my advantage when I finally discover what it is. Maybe, just maybe, I can get by.

Is it possible to feel humiliatingly stupid but not entirely unintelligent, at the same time? It sounds like such a paradox, but I shall willingly testify to the veracity of this statement.