Weekend of Doom

September 8: Trig session test, Physics Lab practical test
September 8 – 9: Last two days of IW
September 10-12: First Trimestral Exams
September 13: ACET

… How sadistic is that? :|

This weekend is crucial to my academic dignity. I have four IW cards, eleven/nine trimestral exams and one majorly big college entrance test to pass, pass, pass. I must not buckle.

T_______T

I’m nervous for the ACET. I don’t feel prepared. I’m a failure at Math. I can BS my way through English, but I’m just totally worried about the Math. I have a mock ACET tomorrow, though. It might as well be my only real review before the actual ACET. I almost forgot about it. I shall remind my parents so they can arrange my ride. Huhuhu. :|

Physics Phail, etc etc.

I was crying over Physics last night. Literally. We just started on projectile motion, and I’m already so lost. :(

I just finished researching for my Eco card. I don’t know if I should continue the research work for my Physics card or start on my Physics homework.

I’m having such a hard time understanding Physics. >__< Trig, surprisingly, is getting easier. I’m so thankful that my seatmates are really patient with me, entertaining my dumb questions all the time. They really helped me, and I now know how to graph the cosine function. 83

Mmm. Either way, I’m finishing my essay for the Fil card tonight. So that’s one down, four more to go. Motherfather. :| I wish I could find that book of idioms. It would make my English card so much easier. T___T

I’m so preoccupied with IW. It doesn’t feel like the week before the first trimestral exams, nor does it feel like the week before the ACET. I regret that they are one in the same. Good luck to me. :|

My brain isn’t processing things right. :((

My brain, it melts.

What’s the word?
That’s the word!

What’s the time?
4D last time!

Aww.

4D WIN!

We used to be a square, now we’re an octagon.
4D just got edgier!

I love my pussycat dolls and soulja boys. 83

I haven’t blogged all this week. It’s been sabayang pagbigkas practice day in and day out. I don’t mind, really. I love hanging out with my class. Tomorrow’s practice won’t be at my house though, it’ll be at Raizel’s. I don’t know what to expect since the environment definitely won’t be as liberal as my house – goodbye boisterous yelling and Cruel Intentions 3 – but I guess I’m finally getting my wish of getting out of my house. Note to self: Be careful what you wish for. >_<

I’m stuck with the problem of transporting all our props to Raizel’s tomorrow. Good luck to me, our props are a little bit bigger than life-sized. T___T

Not to mention that I haven’t done anything academic this past week. I haven’t started on the pile of homework given to us – come to think of it, I don’t even think I have the complete list :| – nor have I done any reviewing for the ACET. I’m in the second batch of the first day. I forgot to take note of the exact details, but they’re posted on our bulletin board. ACET math is supposedly the hardest math of all the college entrance tests, so it will definitely be the death of me who’s oh so bad at numbers. I think Logical and Abstract Reasoning will kill me too, but my mom said she’d help me with these techniques she learned at law school, a place where, according to both my parents, I will eventually set foot in. (Set foot in, in this context, means to sink into slowly and painfully, like quicksand.)

I put Legal Management as my first choice, and I do not have any course choices in the School of Humanities. Surprised? Me too. If I pass the Ateneo, I wish to shift into a course at either the School of Humanities or the School of Social Sciences. As god as my witness, I do not want to be a lawyer. I really, really don’t. T__T

I can play a lawyer on a top-rated soap opera, though. XD

Sabpag is my sleeping pill.

There are no words to describe the physical and mental exhaustion I feel right now. I have to be awake at 6am tomorrow, and for the rest of the week. I’m home by 7 or 8pm, and heaven knows what time I’ll get to sleep. During the day, breakfast is sometimes skipped and lunchtime sustenance will only last for an hour or so. From then, it’s resisting the lightheadedness and low sugar levels til the late afternoon, where carbs and Coke are consumed to get by for the next two hours. It’s really tiring. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

4D: Ikaw, sa Kabila ng Lahat. ♥

Senioritis!

I’m feelin’ it crashing over my like large, lazy waves. Emphasis on lazy.

With the UPCAT already over and my ACET forms already in Ateneo, it’s as if I could care less about the rest. I didn’t submit a form to UST anymore, and my DLSU and UA&P forms are still pristine and blank. I seem like I’m dead set to go for DLSU, but really, I just want to go to college. Emphasis on I just want to go to college.

These days, it’s been sabpag this and sabpag that. Sabayang Pagbigkas, and miraculously, I’m at the forefront of its development. :O Alexa, Raizel and I have been zipping around in preparation of this. Plotting out our practice schedules and agendas for those practices, it’s as if the poem grows longer and longer and longer. ._______. I’m the worst at memorization, so more points of pressure on me to be a good example. Durgh.

I have an Economics session test tomorrow. It’s two sessions combined, so it’s everything about Supply&Demand and Elasticity. I’m more or less well-versed here already, I just have to memorize the four standard thingies on the shifting of graphs and the formula for computing this thing that I have to remember. I sound like such a failure, but whatever. >___< Other than that, I’m pretty much dandy. I should be worried, I think. Or at least not so lax. After all, Economics is prevalent in my course choices. Which is weird, because I’m me. :|

The weeks ahead are going to prove challenging, and I really pray for the physical strength to get by. I’ve been having these wicked stomach pains since Sunday. It usually starts out with intense hunger, where my heart begins to race and I begin to tremble. Getting to sustenance is often an ordeal. Once I get my shaking hands on some food, I eat as if I were starved for an indefinite period of time. I just stuff it down my throat, barely enjoying the taste, just to get food in my stomach. My stomach aches after that, but I guess it’s because of how fast I ate? The strange thing is, after less than an hour, the hunger pangs begin to act up again. Sometimes I can’t help but sleep it off, it’s a sharp pain that extends up to my throat. When I get home, the same thing happens again. Late at night, I have to get up for a crap. A stinky crap. And then I sleep a tired sleep and I wake up tired and well, it’s really the same thing. I was talking to Bel (Hi, Bel. :-h) about it, and she thinks it’s a worm. That sounds plausible, but I really don’t have time to get it checked out. It’ll cause unnecessary stress for everyone – my eternally paranoid grandmother, most especially – and take precious time out of my schedule. I just hope this comes to pass soon enough. I can’t get sick(er).

A big huhuhuhuu at my life right now. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. T_______T

Another Sunday’s Checklist

Wall-E. <3

But ugh, back to reality. My rest day went by so fast. ;_____;

[x] English monologue 5.38pm
[x] English write-up 1.17pm
[ ] Physics short story
[x] Economics magazine cut-outs 11.23pm
[x] contribution to economic glossary 8.40pm

Everything’s piling up. My head is spinning and I’m scared that I’m going to lose it at a most inconvenient time. I already catch my mind wandering off a lot as it is. IWith session tests and IWs and homework and sabpag and college entrance tests, it’s not hard to drift into fanciful daydreaming instead. This is the load of a regular, average senior, so I can only imagine what it’s like for the Micasols and Raizels and Daphnes of the world. How they handle themselves, gracefully despite the pressure, is laudable. It inspires me to carry my burdens, so carry my burdens I shall. \:D/

And.

& I finally submitted my Ateneo essay, satisfied with its content. I posted it on my DevArt and Multiply. Here‘s the link to the former, for reference.

& The last day of First Aid Training is tomorrow. It’s all exams and practicals. If we don’t pass, we have to repeat the course. T___T I have to study bandaging more than the rest. And remember to let my elbows touch the floor during CPR.

& The UPCAT is in a week, and I feel so unprepared. One part is screaming for me to cram, the other’s feeling disincentivized because I won’t pass anyway. :| My mock UPCAT is on Sunday, from 8am to 12nn. I’m just going to read up on Science and review certain Math formulas. I wanna see how far I can go on stock knowledge, which is really the point of the entrance test.

& I was so out of it during Economics class. The heat was making me fall asleep. Good luck to me in college. :| Unless I go to DLSU. XD

& I received a letter today. It was addressed to my parents but it was only stapled closed so it wasn’t confidential. I peeked inside and chuckled. Math remedials, haller. :-h So bad at numbers, so very bad at numbers. In ten sessions, I’m expected to catch up. Game, let’s do this.

& I wonder if I have to take remedials for CSDC. I still don’t have vigilancia duties, and it’s been around two weeks since we started. :\ I don’t think I did that bad in my practicals. Did I? :| I got to cite the handbook and the implementing guidelines once, and I even got the number of reports question right. So, idk. I don’t want to take remedials since I have Math to think of and stuff, but I will if I have to. Sigh.

& I wanna work in advertising and marketing.

Sunday’s Checklist

[x] English: IW 1.35pm
[x] Physics: IW 3.00pm
[ ] Music: session test
[ ] Accounting: session test
[ ] THE: video editing
[ ] CL: prayer Will start on Wednesday instead. I’m leading the prayer next Monday, not this Friday. \:D/
[ ] CSDC: prayer Will work on this next Sunday instead, since I can submit anytime before July ends. (I’ll submit on the 31st huhuhuhu. X3)

[x] batch jacket design proposal 4.00pm
[ ] battle of the bands tarpaulin I started working on this already, and all I have to do is type up the details of the event. However, Photoshop is being uncooperative by shutting down randomly like the Flash in school, so I’ll really just have to finish this tomorrow. x___x
[ ] UPCAT review
[ ] ACET essay

Oh, honor the Sabbath day.

Free day, Friday

Our teachers are probably off being holy in their retreat right now. Me, I just woke up half an hour ago. I’m blissful, but I’m not exactly looking forward to this day.

At the insistence of my parents, I restart my voice lessons today at 3pm. It’s such a hassle. >_< I needed to go to Nina’s house to tape our THE infomercial, but I guess that plan is foiled. In any case, I told both her and Cara that I’d love to do the video editing. Because honestly, I really would. X)

Since I’ll be stuck at home for the better part of the day, I’m going to read the reviewers from Sir Joel and my LSC books. With two weeks to go til the UPCAT, I’m doing all I can do to not panic. The back of my mind is racing and reeling, the red alert alarm blaring deafeningly. It’s just like that episode of Spongebob where he only knew fine dining and breathing, and all the little Spongebobs began to panic because they realized that they threw out his name.

Aside from reading for the UPCAT, I also have a senior’s responsibilities to fulfill. If there’s one thing I can’t neglect, it’s my schoolwork. I really need to show drastic improvement this year. It’ll be my strongest argument for when the time to appeal comes around. I have to finish to lay out three IW cards so I can finish them in school next week, begin writing my prayers for both CL and CSDC, doodle a jacket design, and moar moar moar.

I should probably devote an hour or two today for my Ateneo essay. I need to start drafting it, at the very least, so I can send it to people for critique, giving them ample time to read and I to revise. “Are there any significant experiences you have had or accomplishments you have realized that have helped to define you as a person?” Well, I’ll find out tonight. Before I begin to write with the intention of letting the panel know more about me, I think should first know more about myself.

Huh. Not exactly a free day, after all.

I consider our present sufferings insignificant
compared to the glory that will soon be revealed to us.
(Romans 8:18)

Dear friends, don’t be surprised by the fiery troubles
that are coming in order to test you.
Don’t feel as though something strange is happening to you,
but be happy as you share Christ’s sufferings.
Then you will also be full of joy when he appears again in his glory.
(I Peter 4:12-13)

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them:
because greater is He that is in you,
than he that is in the world.
(1 John 4:4)

AMEN LORD AMEN.
I’m ready ad infinitum.

Drained.

I took my Filipino and Physics tests today. I think I did fine in Filipino, at least during the first four parts of the test. The fifth and last part of the test was poetry writing, four stanzas of four lines each. It had to be biographical, sociological, and symbolical all at the same time. :O In the end, I wrote about a doll of mine. I lacked the time to finish one stanza. I know that’ll be taken against me. I’m fine with that, I guess. I was really struggling for vocabulary. I’m hopeful for a G or a VG, and that VG’s really hoping.

Physics is a different story entirely. It only covered significant features, conversion of units and SOHCAHTOA. That should’ve been a good thing, but I blanked out. I knew what to do, I really did, but I didn’t know how to properly input the data on my scientific calculator. How messed up is that? I felt so stupid.

I don’t know what to do. I know my Physics concepts, but why do I screw up whenever I try to apply them? I mean, I already had a calculator. I have no skills at all. :(( I’m going to approach Sir Ron come Monday. I really need extra help. I have to jolt my brain into arranging itself before the meat of Physics comes up. Otherwise, I die. :| All my quizzes came back as U’s. I really need to talk to him. I was talking to Sir Mike about teachers holding consultations, and he said, “What’s there to consult? It’s only the second session.” Between Physics and myself, a lot. :|

Another subject I need to work on is Trig. I’m having a hard time with it, but I don’t think I’ll go to Ms. Helma just yet. My difficulty roots from the fact that I haven’t memorized the arcs and coordinates of the unit circle. I’ll do my memory crunches rigorously, and if I’m still having a hard time, that’s when I’ll go to her.

I hate being bad at math. I hate being bad with numbers in general. I hear a lot about the multiple intelligences and I agree with their theories, sure. But studying for the entrance tests, and a number of senior year subjects in general, shows the prominence and necessity of logical-mathematical intelligence over linguistic intelligence and musical intelligence. Logical-mathematical intelligence doesn’t only cover math and numbers, but it reflects one’s skill at critical thinking, argumentation, analysis and the like. My lack of which, I believe, is part of the reason why I failed at debate. (The other part was a lack of self-confidence.) I was always too subjective, so grounded on marshmallow soil. I could’ve never survived the high school politics. A salute to Elise and the rest of the team for all their achievements to date.

I’ve often thought of myself as only having half a right brain, and an occasional left brain. My IQ’s nothing special, and my EQ says that I have the leadership potential of a pile of newspapers. Yet, I look at myself with hope. Maybe, just maybe, I might have something that’ll give me a notch up on others. Maybe, just maybe, I can use it to my advantage when I finally discover what it is. Maybe, just maybe, I can get by.

Is it possible to feel humiliatingly stupid but not entirely unintelligent, at the same time? It sounds like such a paradox, but I shall willingly testify to the veracity of this statement.